


tomorrow never came

by datahearts



Series: Could Never Be Heaven [1]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, No Dialogue, Not A Fix-It, Not Beta Read, Other Characters Are Mentioned, Period Typical Attitudes, Possibly Unrequited Love, enjoy this mess, i'm not great at writing but i wanted to do this for some reason, it ends on a hopeful note but... you know, it's all todd's perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datahearts/pseuds/datahearts
Summary: todd is always scared to tell neil how he feels. after seeing neil perform in the play, he decides he's going to tell him about his feelings. of course, he didn't anticipate mr. perry taking neil home, but he didn't think too much of it. tomorrow would be another day, right? neil would still be there tomorrow. he'd tell him tomorrow.
Relationships: Todd Anderson & Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Series: Could Never Be Heaven [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179824
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	tomorrow never came

**Author's Note:**

> this was written on a whim after hearing tomorrow never came by lana del rey, i hope i did this at least some justice

feelings were terrifying, todd decided.

ever since he was aware of his surroundings he knew his family thought of him as invisible. their desires came before his own, he never had a say in what happened in his life. following in his brother's footsteps, going to a boarding school, being the perfect son, it was all they wanted and expected from him. of course, they never expected him to develop feelings while at an all-boys school, but neither did he.

neil perry was someone todd never thought he'd find. he cared, _genuinely _, and went out of his way to include todd in his life. no one had ever done that for him, and there'll probably never be anyone who does it again. neil was a source of inspiration, motivation, happiness, confusion, sadness, intrigue, and hope. being in his presence made todd believe his life had meaning, had purpose, and when he realized neil was staring at him the day keating made him stand in front of the class and write a poem, he knew he was screwed.__

____

____

when neil came in their room and proclaimed he wanted to act in a shakespeare play nearby, he looked more than happy. finally, he'd found something that let him seize the day, something his father wasn't controlling. he was ecstatic, yet todd thought talking him out of it would help. but when neil implied todd _couldn't _take care of himself, and started to read the poem he was attempting to write, all of his worry fell away.__

____

____

as he stood in front of the class, smiling at neil's staring eyes, nothing else mattered. that moment, he decided, was his first step in seizing his own metaphorical day.

none of the other poets ever commented on the little looks neil and todd would share in the cave, or the way they'd stay close together to keep warm in the vermont cold, or how happy they were after running lines for the play together. maybe there was a silent understanding, one that they didn't want to vocalize out of fear of seeming too imaginative of the things they'd witnessed.

regardless, todd came to his own understanding the last time they went over lines for the play. neil was walking around energetic as ever, with todd trailing shortly behind. they'd gone over this scene countless times already but neil wanted to be entirely sure he'd get it right. todd couldn't understand _why _the scene was so important to him, but he went along with it, because seeing neil so happy made him happy. which in turn made todd feel butterflies in his stomach- something he felt before being around neil but never this intense.__

____

____

he also knew that feeling could be cut short by almost anything involving neil's father.

after they finished going over lines, mr. perry had shown up to speak to neil, and todd could only presume he was upset about the play. what was he going to do anyway? the play was tomorrow night, they couldn't lose someone as important to the play as neil. surely mr. perry would understand that and refrain from any punishment until after tomorrow night.

for the first time in his life, neil ended a conversation with his father with a smile on his face. _he's going to be out of town, he won't make it to the play _. hearing that was like a sense of freedom, even just for one night- his father wouldn't ruin his dream, at least for now.__

____

____

they fell asleep that night genuinely happy, for themselves and for each other.

as the whole group of poets sat with wonder and adoration on their faces, watching neil give an honest and astounding performance, todd felt he looked just like neil had that day in class. staring with intrigue and love, something he couldn't keep to himself anymore. todd's answer to seizing the day was to admit his feelings. admit he was enamored by neil perry, someone that changed his life for the better. if knox could do that with chris, surely he could do it with neil.

so after the play was finished, todd was going to pull neil to the side and tell him how he feels. all of his thoughts could spill out and he wouldn't be burdened by them anymore, because those glances he'd catch and the way their hands would briefly touch before getting ready for morning class and neil's desire to include todd in everything- that meant something.

when the play ended, and they stood to clap and cheer for the cast, todd felt himself smiling more than he ever had before. he was happy, neil was happy, _all _of the poets were happy, even keating was happy. it felt as though there'd never be a time where any of them would be so happy at once.__

____

____

they stepped outside and waited for neil, only to find him being dragged out of the theater by his father. his father, the one that was supposed to be out of town tonight. the sight brought todd back to just twenty-four hours prior, when neil had spoken to his father and felt _good _about their conversation. now, he looked scared and vulnerable, like their last conversation never happened, like his father never cared about him. he was never neil, he was just an excuse to experience something he never had the opportunity to do himself.__

____

____

they drove away, leaving todd in a state of shock almost as he watched the car get smaller and smaller. the rest of the poets were already gone, walking back to welton. keating was standing next to him in a similar stance, but his expression was more disappointment than heartbreak.

whatever the case, tomorrow would be another day. neil would come back and they could talk to one another then. his father probably just wanted to scare him, try to get him to give up being an actor and focus on getting into harvard more.

when tomorrow comes, todd anderson will tell neil perry he loves him.


End file.
